Main Branch Celebrates Grand Opening

The Wait is over

After anxiously waiting like expectant parents, the staff finally accepted that something is amiss at the main office. "We were patient, but this was beginning to worry us," stated a senior executive. "This just wasn't normal in our line of business," he stated.

Experts were called in and an examination was made. No heartbeat! All was silent! "We're going in!" cried the experts.

Using extreme care and skill, the experts jack hammered an opening into the vault that was affectionately called "The Bismarck" and found the culprit. "Here it is!" cried the senior expert holding up the failed part, a loose screw in the time lock.

Reminds me of the old saying "for want of a nail, a kingdom was lost," quipped an observer.

The Culprit

This screw slowly backed out over time and jammed the time lock.

"We said to squirt WD-40 in it." was a recurring comment.

"It might have worked for a while," offered the senior expert, "but it was just a matter of time until I would have have to 'go in' and do what I've been trained to do."

The Experts

For security reasons, their faces must be concealed.

The Tools

This reporter used stealth and cunning to photograph the expert's tools. One dozen donuts and a pot of coffee and their tool box was abandoned for several minutes.

"Our tools are very secret," stated the lead expert. "If our clients ever saw them, we feel that they might lose confidence in their equipment," he stated candidly.

The Staff

When asked if there might have been an error made by the staff, this manager promptly quashed that idea. "My staff is competent and I resent your innuendoes," she stated just before this reporter was tossed from her office.

Dusting myself off, I proceeded to interview others involved.

When queried about the incident, this staff member replied, "Totally Fictitious Bank, how may I direct your call? Um, er, you're not calling on the phone, are you?"

I later learned that she had been performing switchboard duty for so long she was shell shocked.

Perhaps that explains her glassy eyed stare and the muttered words,"do I go to Shelby tomorrow or do I fill in for Bobbie again?"

A Word from the President

"I hope this convinces our customers that the vault is safe. It took us a week to get it open!"