Bank purchases new software
After decades of operating as a lowly, but profitable second class savings and loan, a new software package has been selected to bring the institution into the 22nd and perhaps the 23rd century.
“The excitement and enthusiasm of becoming a 'Real Bank' like all the ones that are setting new benchmarks of profits and scandal has permeated the entire organization,” stated a well placed bank executive. “We are pleased to announce the purchase of Jack Henry Silver Bullet, the do-all, be-all, solve-all software package the insures we use the 'big-bank' tools,” he summarized.
New Publicist Announced
To kick off it's migration to the big bank community, the institution has announced the new Senior Vice President of Public Relations and Consumer Information.
“We are very pleased to announce the addition of such a talented and recognized person to our cadre of bank officers,” crowed a senior bank officer. “I'm sure he will be a valuable asset at our bank's golf tournaments and to market our institution to the public,” the senior bank officer continued.
“As my first act as a new officer, I vow that each and every employee will be a finely tuned and fully trained banking machine when we migrate to the new Silver Bullet software,” stated this Senior Vice President.
“It is the will of the board,” he iterated.
A Word From the Competition
A president from a competing instution remarked, “In banking we all practice a business model which simply put is, 1000 monkeys using 1000 typewriters for 1000 years will produce one of Shakespear's works.”
“Unlike our competition, We did some research,” he continued. “We decided that to increase productivity, rather than buying more expensive typewriters, we would use smarter monkeys.”